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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477238">Noncandescent</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyFavoriteColorisLamppost/pseuds/MyFavoriteColorisLamppost'>MyFavoriteColorisLamppost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Crossovers [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV), Fireproof - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eddie Diaz Has Anger Issues, Emotional Infidelity, Future Fic, M/M, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Nurse Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, The Love Dare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:54:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,259</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477238</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyFavoriteColorisLamppost/pseuds/MyFavoriteColorisLamppost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of a bad call, firefighter Eddie Diaz realizes the extent to which he has failed as a husband. In a desperate attempt to save his relationship with his husband, Buck, Eddie turns to "The Love Dare," a Christian self-help book recommended by his abuela. At her prompting, and guided by the book itself, Eddie embarks on a 40-day mission to rescue his marriage from the looming specter of divorce.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Crossovers [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>BUDDIESFAMILY, Buck and Eddie are Soulmates, The Buddie Brigade</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Calm Before the Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>While this is based off of Kirk Cameron's Fireproof, I should state for the record that the majority of the religious themes from the movie will be omitted, and the only true similarities are the story, and the fact that the main character's a firefighter.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a very pissed off 118 that pulls into the fire station, and the second they’re off the firetruck, Bobby wastes no time telling Buck what he thinks,</p><p>“This isn’t a game, Buck! You can’t play with people’s lives like that!”</p><p>Then he storms off, which gives enough time for Eddie to catch up and give Buck a lecture of his own,</p><p>“He has every right to be pissed. You left the team in a really tight spot just to be a hero!”</p><p>Buck tries to defend himself, “Eddie, I just thought I heard a cry for help.”</p><p>Eddie reminds him, “Oh you heard something alright. From <em> outside </em> the goddamn building!”</p><p>Buck tries again, “It was pitch black! I was practically blind!”</p><p>Eddie stops him, “That’s why you’re supposed to stay with me, your partner. In more ways than one, in case you forgot.”</p><p>Here, Eddie shows off his ring, “Or does that mean nothing when you’re out saving lives? Because of you, I swear to god I thought something happened to you, and you needed my help. Because no way in hell am I about to tell Christopher that his Bucky died because I could’ve done something, and didn’t.”</p><p>Buck has enough sense here to not say anything, just nods in understanding.</p><p>“You don’t <em> ever </em> abandon your partner to be a hero. You know that. <em> Especially </em> not in a fire like that one.” Eddie emphasizes.</p><p>Once Eddie sees Buck is actually sorry, Eddie backs off a little. “Give the cap some time, then go apologize to everyone. And at least try to sound like you mean it.”</p><p>Buck nods, “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Later, Buck heads to the hospital to meet up with Hen, who thankfully wasn’t on that call with them.</p><p>The second he sees her, his face lights up, “Hey, Hen! We still on for tomorrow?”</p><p>Hen nods, “Absolutely. Want me to grab some of those cupcakes Chris loves?”</p><p>Buck nods, “You know it. He’s been talking non stop about all the new flavors, and I wanna surprise him and get them all.”</p><p>Then he changes the subject, “Hey, I’m going to visit Chim and Maddie this weekend. Might be nice to grab some for them too.”</p><p>At that, Hen has to ask, “How are they, anyway?”</p><p>Buck replies, “Can’t believe it’s almost been a year since Maddie got pregnant and had the baby. I’ve been trying to get them a case worker like Carla, who specializes in Down’s Syndrome. Unfortunately their insurance isn’t gonna cover it. It just sucks that I can’t do anything about it. It’s pretty frustrating for the both of them too. I know it’s killing Chim he can’t do anything either.”</p><p>Hen sympathizes, “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Buck waves it off, “It’s okay. I should get going. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”</p><p>Hen smiles, “Absolutely. See you.”</p><p>That would be it, but then Buck bumps into someone in a lab coat, who immediately speaks up, “Oh hey, Buck.”</p><p>Buck quickly apologizes, “Oh, Dr. Regis. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Dr. Regis waves it off, “Please, call me Ethan.”</p><p>Buck amends, “Ethan, I’m sorry. Can’t believe I almost knocked you down.”</p><p>Ethan smiles, “No worries. You can knock me over any time. It’s really good to see you.”</p><p>Buck replies, all friendly, “You too. Take care.” Then walks away.</p><p>At the station, Hen shares a knowing look with the other nurses, but doesn't say anything.</p><p>Ethan, after watching Buck walk away for another moment, drops the charts on the station. “Nice guy. Hen, could you file these for me?”</p><p>Hen holds her tongue, with only a, “Of course, doctor.”, waiting for him to leave.</p><p>Then, once the coast is clear, she tells another nurse, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say Ethan’s got a little crush on Buck.”</p><p> </p><p>When Buck greets his sister, Maddie greets him warmly, “Hey, Buck!”, moving in for a hug.</p><p>“Hey, Mads, how are you?”</p><p>“Oh, man, it’s so good to see you. I feel like I never see you anymore.”</p><p>“I know.” Then Buck moves towards the baby swing. “Hey, little man.  How’ve you been?” Then kisses the top of the baby’s head.</p><p>“Today, he’s doing awesome. Can I get you a drink, Buck?”</p><p>Buck nods, “Yeah, you got any coffee?”</p><p>As Maddie goes to grab it, Buck turns back to the baby, “Oh, Johnny. You have no idea how much I wish you knew how to talk. I wanna be here when you say your first word. I miss you all the time.”</p><p> </p><p>The next day, Buck gets up first, Eddie following not too long after.</p><p>They don’t say anything, just shoot each other looks that they used to be able to read so well, but now, it’s like they’re strangers again.</p><p>Eddie decides to bite the bullet, asking, “You already eat?”</p><p>Buck replies in a clipped voice, “Yes.”</p><p>Eddie grabs milk from the fridge, asking, “Oh yeah? What did you eat?”</p><p>“Everything bagel and a banana.”</p><p>Here they switch sides, where Buck is now going in the fridge for something, and as he watches from the corner of his eye, he notices the cupboards are empty.</p><p>“Planning on making a grocery run in the near future?”</p><p>Here Buck doesn’t even try to play nice, “Eddie, you get way more time off than me, because you all but insisted that was only fair for Chris. Why can’t you do it?”</p><p>Eddie drops the pretense as well, “All I asked was if you were planning on making a run. Drop the attitude. Why couldn’t you have at least saved enough breakfast for me?”</p><p>Buck snaps, “Well, last I checked, we don’t even bother trying to sync our schedules anymore. I don’t know if you’re just going to go and leave me with Chris, or I am. We don’t communicate anymore.”</p><p>Here, Eddie gets pissed off enough to slam a cupboard door, “What the hell is wrong with you, Buck? Does the fact that I’m actually here piss you off that much?”</p><p>Buck confesses, “No, what pisses me off is how you just expect me to juggle full time shifts, grocery runs and taking Chris on Carla’s days off while you sit at home watching wrestling matches on pay-per-view and dream about restoring that car.”</p><p>Eddie points a finger at Buck, “Hey, you never said a word about not being okay with it. No one said you had to.”</p><p>Buck reminds him, “Well, we need the money more than ever, because you cut into <em> our </em> savings to restore a car that’s just rusting in the garage. You have almost 30 grand in your own savings, when there’s plenty around here you could easily fix if you wanted to.”</p><p>Eddie asks, skeptical, “Oh yeah? Like what?”</p><p>Buck lists them off, “Like the crack in the wall, the front yard needing some serious landscaping, or how about how I keep reminding you of all the things we can do to make this place even more handicap accessible for Chris?”</p><p>Eddie admits, “Okay, you might have a point on the last one, but this place is already plenty handicap accessible. That’s why we live here, remember? And those other things are not absolutely necessary. He gets around just fine. I think I know what my son needs a little better than you, considering I’m his father. If you want to spend your money on it, go right ahead. But I’ve been saving up for that car for years. I’m not giving that up.”</p><p>With that, Buck says, “I don’t even know why I bother.” and walks away.</p><p>In his frustration, Eddie snaps, “Yeah, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Breaking Point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later, Eddie’s in the firehouse gym, doing his usual routine, until he feels like he’s going to pass out if he doesn’t stop for a water break.</p><p>Next to him, Bobby’s stopped lifting weights as well, so Eddie decides now’s as good a time as any to speak up.</p><p>“Bobby, it’s just not working anymore. How is it that people call me a hero when I’m wearing the uniform, but at home it’s like I don’t even exist?”</p><p>Bobby nods, “Has to be hard.”</p><p>Eddie asks, “What do you think I should do?”</p><p>Bobby tries to be helpful, “Well, maybe it’s not the marriage that’s the problem. Maybe you two just aren’t on the same page.”</p><p>This confuses Eddie, “What the hell does that mean?”</p><p>After looking around to somewhere behind them, Bobby says, “See that treadmill? It may not be broken, but if you don’t know how it works, it doesn’t make a difference.”</p><p>Eddie’s still confused, “What, you think we need marriage counseling?”</p><p>Bobby laughs, “No, it’s more like everyone does.”</p><p>Eddie’s shaking his head, “No way. I’m not talking to a complete stranger about my private life.”</p><p>Bobby backs off, “Fine. Buck doesn’t need to respect you. But just remember any marriage is like a plant. You put the work in, it’s amazing. If not, it’s just gonna die.”</p><p>That makes sense to Eddie, “Where’d you hear that?”</p><p>Bobby laughs, “Counseling.”</p><p>Eddie throws his empty bottle at Bobby, but doesn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>That night, when Eddie finally comes home, there’s a cupcake on the counter, along with an empty pizza box and a dirty plate. Pissed, Eddie puts the cupcake in the fridge, looking for food.</p><p>Then Buck shows up out of nowhere, “Eddie what the hell are you doing?”</p><p>Eddie explains calmly, “Seeing how you didn’t save me any pizza, I’m fending for myself.”</p><p>Buck argues, “I just put that cupcake out, and I was coming back for it. Now it’s gonna be all hard.”</p><p>“Well I don’t need to attract ants. Did you clear this whole kitchen out or what?” Eddie snaps, looking through the cupboards.</p><p>“I assumed you were eating at the fire station.” Buck admits sheepishly.</p><p>At that, Eddie slams the cupboard shut again. “Does it even occur to you that there’s three people in this house, all of which need to eat, and one of them is a growing boy?”</p><p>Buck tries to defend himself, “You know something, Eddie, if we were communicating like we used to, maybe there’d be something in here.”</p><p>Eddie slams the cupboards again, stomping towards Buck. “Why exactly is it we’re back to you being so exhausting?”</p><p>Buck rolls his eyes, “Oh that’s rich. I’m exhausting, when I’m practically the only one who sees Chris anymore, making sure he comes first, while you’re off doing God knows what.”</p><p>Eddie can’t let that go, “<em>Excuse </em> me? I’m the one out there putting my life on the line on double shifts so we can pay off the mortgage, <em> and </em> for both our cars.”</p><p>Buck fires back, “Which is all you do. Meanwhile you got me taking care of the bills on my significantly smaller salary, now that I'm not taking as many shifts to be there for Chris.”</p><p>Eddie reminds him, “Which you said you were okay with. You said it was fair. What, you don’t want to live here anymore? Don’t want the car?”</p><p>Buck tries to steer it back, “Eddie, who makes sure this house isn’t falling apart so our kid doesn't get hurt? Me. Who does everyone’s laundry? Me. Who buys the groceries? Me. Not to mention I’m with my sister and Chim every weekend to help with their baby, even sometimes bringing Chris so they can play together. You’re putting all this pressure on me, and while all you seem to care about anymore is yourself.”</p><p>That hits a nerve, “Okay, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You want to talk about pressure? You know damn well I don’t just put out fires because I only care about myself. Or get up at the butt crack of dawn for a car wreck. Or pull a crippled kid’s body out of the water, praying to whoever’s listening it’s not Chris. You know better than anyone what I go through. Or does the tsunami not mean anything to you anymore?”</p><p>That really hurts, but Buck can’t focus on that, “Right, and the second you get home, it’s straight to the couch to watch TV, or on your computer.”</p><p>Then Buck decides he’s done, “You know what? If that’s how you get your rocks off, you go right ahead. I refuse to even try to compete with it.” and starts to walk away.</p><p>Eddie can’t resist getting one more jab in, “Well we all know it sure as hell isn’t you.”</p><p>Which makes Buck turn back around, “And it’s not going to be! Because you care more about restoring that stupid car and relaxing on the couch than you do about our family.”</p><p>And that’s when Eddie finally loses it, advancing on Buck. “Just shut the hell up! I am sick and tired of all your stupid nagging. You selfish, disrespectful, ungrateful asshole! How dare you say that about me, the man you married? You never let up, and you take whatever energy I have left, and I just can’t do it anymore.”</p><p>At this point, Eddie’s got Buck backed into a corner, as he keeps yelling, “I’m done. You hear me? If you can’t treat me with the respect I deserve--no don’t you dare look away. Look at me!” Eddie snaps, when Buck tries to do just that, “then why are we even married at all?”</p><p>Buck’s almost in tears by this point, shaking his head, barely whispering, “I don’t know anymore.”</p><p>Eddie finally backs away, but then he hears from behind him, “I can’t be your husband anymore. I just can’t.”</p><p>If Eddie thought he was pissed before, that’s nothing compared to how he feels when he hears that.</p><p>Eddie gets back in Buck’s face, “If you want a divorce so damn bad, then <em> you go right ahead and do it</em>!”</p><p>Then he finally leaves the room, leaving Buck struggling to not cry.</p><p>How the hell did things go so wrong so fast?</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s vibrating with anger as he makes it to the driveway, so when he sees a trash can, he kicks it. When it falls over, he picks it up, not caring if trash falls out, and throws it against the house.</p><p>Only, before he can do it again, he sees someone watching him from across the street.</p><p>Somehow, this calms him down enough to where he gives a sheepish wave, then goes about picking all the trash back up, still pissed, but at least he doesn’t feel like hitting something anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Inside, Buck goes to the guest bedroom, looking at his ring for several long moments before finally slowly sliding it off, unable to believe this is where they are now.</p><p>Then, with a finality he wishes more than anything wasn’t real, he throws the ring in a spare drawer, and goes to bed.</p><p>Meanwhile, Eddie finally comes back inside, marches straight to his bedroom, where he knows Buck won’t be, throws his shoes off, and slams the door shut.</p><p>Perfect ending to a perfect day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Fallout</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Buck’s having dinner with a bunch of friends, listening to their advice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck, hon, you should just leave. Any man that’s so quick to treat you like that doesn’t deserve you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. Any man worth their salt knows being there for their family always comes before even thinking about being there for anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Hen asks, “Buck, do you need somewhere to crash for a while? If this is what you’re coming home to every night, I don’t think staying there’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shakes his head, “No, if anyone’s going to leave, it’s him. I’m not going to bail on Christopher just because his dad has issues.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marge pipes up again, “That’s right. Stand up for yourself. Make him respect your presence in that little boy’s life. If there’s one thing a guy understands...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s respect.” Eddie tells Bobby, at the fire station after their shift just ended. “That’s the real problem. That’s why we’re on the rocks right now. He doesn’t respect me at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby doesn’t say anything, just smiles as he listens to Eddie go on,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what the worst thing about this is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has no idea!” Buck tells the group. “He thinks everything’s been hunky dory up to now. I’m even willing to bet he actually thinks...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything’s been fine until this past year. Now it’s like he’s going off the rails. It’s like the lawsuit all over again.” Eddie shakes his head, unable to make sense of any of this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby finally gets a word in, “Do you really think this all suddenly started happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie replies, “That’s what I’m saying. I have no idea what to think. I can’t tell what he’s thinking at all. He gets upset over every tiny thing. He gets offended by one small comment. He’s way too sensitive for a guy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s completely insensitive.” Buck tells them, now starting to get upset. “I can’t remember the last time he asked me how I feel about anything. He doesn’t even listen to me! I could be saying the same thing over and over again, and he won’t have a clue.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then there’s the nagging. About how I never listen, or something like that. Drives me insane.” Eddie shakes his head. “I swear I’m this close to going...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Insane!” Buck exclaims. “He doesn’t have the first clue about what I need. More and more, I’m realizing that we're just not...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Compatible. I’ll bet you anything he’s talking to our friends right now, about what a jackass I am. I can see it now: all hunched over a table, hugging and saying they’re there for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s right, as they all reach an arm around Buck, saying stuff like, “We’re gonna get you through this.” “It’s all going to be okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you really think this is it? No chance of reconciliation?” Bobby asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks right at Bobby as he says, “I don’t see any good reason to reconcile.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day, Eddie’s on his laptop, when his phone rings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hola, Abuela.” He listens for a second, then, “No, not really. I think me and Buck are done for good.” He pauses, then, “No, I don’t. It’s over.” Pause. “He says he doesn’t want to be married anymore.” Pause. “Of course, abuela, you can come over whenever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the fire station bell goes off, so he tells her, “I have to go. Talk to you tomorrow.” and hangs up, heading out for another job.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they head out to the site, Bobby says on the radio, “We got a two vehicle accident, possible entrapment. One of them is on the train tracks. Contact the dispatcher to stop all trains heading this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“10-4. EMS is en route.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby tells the rookie, “You’re coming with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She replies, “Yes, sir. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck and Eddie, check out the car. Find out what you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the three walk to the car, Bobby orders, “Buck, check on the passenger.” then he turns to the bystanders. “Everyone, stay clear of the tracks and the vehicle. I’m Captain Nash with the LAFD. We’re here to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From inside the car, a woman begs, “Please, I need help. I can’t get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck asks patiently, “Ma’am, I need to tell me where you’re hurting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My legs, my legs hurt. Please, help me.” The woman begs again, some blood dripping out of her nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three quickly assess the damage, then Bobby asks, “Okay, we’re going to help. Where else does it hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman whimpers, “My neck. Please, just help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, we’re getting you out of here, you’re going to be just fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then they hear the unmistakable sound of a train in the distance, so Captain quickly tries to get word to the dispatcher, “Dispatch, this is Captain Nash. There is a car on the train tracks, I need you to notify the train dispatcher to stop all oncoming trains.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Captain Nash, be advised we’re currently unable to make contact with the train dispatcher.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, Bobby calls out to the rest of the team, “No, we don't have time. We’re going to have to push it off the tracks ourselves. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes four of them alone to move it even an inch, so Bobby calls out, “Get the chain!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they’re running out of time, as now they can see the train moving closer, so Bobby orders, “On the count of three.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At three, they push, but it barely budges, as the bystanders start screaming for them to get out of the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They count to three and push again, this time successfully getting the car off the tracks, just barely missing the train as it speeds right past them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the immediate danger out of the way, now they can focus on getting the family out of the car, using the jaws of life to rip the mangled door off the hinges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they all have a moment to breathe, Eddie moves off by himself to sit and breathe, so Bobby goes over to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie nods, “Just need a second, Bobby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby sits down next to him, “I think you might have Buck beat with how close you came to dying and still survived.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie jokes back, “Well, I’ll try not to break it next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby says, all serious, “You shouldn't be trying to break it at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie jokes one more time, “Yeah, and I’d hate to be the one to tell your wife about this.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Plan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Across the city, several hours later, Eddie's just getting home, his abuela already there, playing with Christopher. “How long has this been going on, Edmundo?”</p><p>Eddie shakes his head, “I don’t know, abuela. We’ve fought on and off again before, but now it feels like he’s pissed off all the time.”</p><p>Abuela asks patiently, “Have you given him any reason to be? I’ve never known Buck to be an unreasonable man.”</p><p>Eddie explains, “Me and him saved a family of three today. But if I’m not at home to do the dishes or look after Chris, I’m a horrible person.”</p><p>Abuela tries to tell him, “But, Edmundo, he needs to lean on you too. Isn’t he helping his sister with the baby every week? You can’t expect him to do everything.”</p><p>Eddie snaps, “So now you’re taking his side?”</p><p>Abuela doesn’t take the bait, just says, “If he’s working and trying--”</p><p>Edie cuts her off, “Abuela, the last thing I need is you lecturing me on what I’m going wrong. I get enough of that from Buck already. I’m not the one at fault here, he is.”</p><p>Abuela begs, “Edmundo, I’m trying to understand, I am. All I want is to help you and Buck. Why don’t we go for a walk, nieto?”</p><p> </p><p>Once they’re walking outside with Chris several steps ahead of them, Eddie tells her, “I just...I really wish I could talk to my parents about this. But I just can’t take that step, not yet.”</p><p>Abuela says, “There’s a book I want you to read.”, and goes to pull it out of her purse.</p><p>Thinking he knows what it is, Eddie goes to turn it down, “Abuela, no, I don’t need the Bible to tell me what to do. I fully respect what it’s done for you, but I think this time its help is beyond me.”</p><p>Abuela tells him, “I used to be in the same place as you, Edmundo. I thought my marriage to your Abuelo wasn’t worth fighting for. But I was wrong.”</p><p>“Abuela, por favor. We talked about this. I’m glad you’re in a much happier place than you used to be, but...it’s not for me.”</p><p>“Edmundo, is there any part of you that wants to save your marriage?”</p><p>Eddie admits, “A small part. If Buck was willing. But he doesn’t. He wants a divorce.”</p><p>Abuela asks him, “Nieto, is that what you want?”</p><p>Eddie feels comfortable enough admitting, “I just want the fighting to stop. But what does that matter? The second he signs those papers, it’s over.”</p><p>“Did you already agree to draw up the papers?‘</p><p>Eddie shakes his head, “No, but I think we both know there’s only one way this ends, Abuela. I’m meeting with my lawyer tomorrow.”</p><p>Then Abuela gets bolder, determined, “Edmundo, I want you to do something for me. Don’t start the process for another 40 days.”</p><p>This confuses Eddie, “What? Por que?”</p><p>Then Abuela does pull something out of her purse, “I’m going to give you something. Something that takes exactly that long.”</p><p>At that, Eddie’s skeptical, “What exactly is it?”</p><p>“It’s what saved my marriage all the way up till Abuelo passed away. Look at it as a gift. Un día a la vez. Por favor, Edmundo. For me.”</p><p>Eddie takes the book, still skeptical, “Just 40 days?”</p><p>Abuela nods, “40 days.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck’s eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria, not wanting to deal with seeing Eddie at the firehouse, when he hears,</p><p>“Eating by yourself?”</p><p>Buck smiles, “Oh, hey, Dr. Regis.”</p><p>“Ethan.”</p><p>Buck blushes, “Right, Ethan. Sorry. How’re you doing?”</p><p>Ethan confesses, “I’m doing okay. Just need somewhere I can eat in peace.”</p><p>Buck offers, gesturing to in front of him, “Well, Hen was supposed to join me, but you’re more than welcome to join me while I wait.”</p><p>Ethan plays dumb, “Well, I don’t want to put you out.”</p><p>Buck jokes, “You planning on eating in that white coat?”</p><p>Ethan sits down, joking as he takes his coat off, “Anything to keep up with the trends. All the doctors are wearing them. Probably not the best idea while I’m eating.”</p><p>Buck laughs, “Who knew doctors cared about fashion?”</p><p>Ethan tries to cover for himself, “We keep up with the good fashion...the stuff firefighters like, anyway.”</p><p>Buck nods. “Gotcha. Since only one such firefighter is in the immediate vicinity...I’m sure the guy is flattered.”</p><p>Ethan says openly, “I happen to think he’s incredible.”</p><p>Buck flashes a genuine smile, which makes him feel happier then he’s been in a long time, especially lately.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Letter, Days 1 and 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>While I did say the religious themes were going to be largely omitted, I thought there should be some small references, for a bigger reveal later.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“40 days? Are you going to tell Buck?” Bobby asks the next day, in the dining area.</p><p>“No, I’m not.” Eddie admits. “If he’s serious and wants to file, he can do that himself.”</p><p>“Divorce is hard, Eddie.” Bobby reminds him.</p><p>Eddie sips his coffee. “It could also make all the fighting stop.”</p><p>Bobby argues, “But, Eddie, you want it to stop for the right reasons.”</p><p>That leaves Eddie confuses, “Exactly what do you mean by that?”</p><p>Bobby grabs Eddie’s hand, gently turning it so it’s ring side up, “You remember what this means, don’t you?”</p><p>Eddie replies, pulling it back, “Yeah. It means I’m married.”</p><p>Bobby tries to get Eddie to see his point, “It means you made a lifelong commitment. You chose to put that ring on when you said your vows to each other. And unfortunately, when some couples say them, they’re only thinking about the good times.”</p><p>Eddie really doesn’t like what Bobby’s implying, “Buck and I were absolutely in love when we got married. Which wasn’t too long after we started seeing each other, right after Chris came home from camp, because we just knew. But now, we’re just not there anymore. Maybe we never were, and were just too scared to admit it. Okay? We’re just not working as a married couple anymore.”</p><p>That would be it, but Bobby looks like he’s not quite finished yet, grabbing a jar of peanut butter, and a jar of refrigerated hot fudge. “Look, Eddie? Peanut butter and chocolate are two completely different flavors. Made by different plants, different shades of brown, but they’re almost always put together. And when you---” but then Bobby walks off somewhere behind them for something, and when he comes back, Eddie can see it’s a tube of glue, putting it on one jar, then sticking them together.</p><p>This makes Eddie even more confused, “Bobby, what--”</p><p>Bobby cuts him off, showing him the jars again, “When two people get married, it’s for better or <em> worse </em> . In <em> sickness </em> and health. Richer or <em> poor. </em>”</p><p>Eddie shakes his head, annoyed, “I know all of that already, but a marriage isn’t noncandescent. Now and again, people get hurt.”</p><p>Bobbys quick to remind him, “Noncandescent doesn’t mean you never have to worry about a fire ever happening at all. It means you’re ready when it does.”</p><p>Eddie grabs the jars. “You didn’t have to glue them together just to make a point.”, and tries to pull them apart.</p><p>Bobby stops him, “No, don’t. You do, they’re never going to be the same. Sure, maybe the jars won’t break, but there’s always going to be evidence where they used to be together.”</p><p>Understanding what Bobby is actually saying, Eddie sets the jars back down, “Look, I never claimed to be perfect, okay? But you can’t argue I’m better than a lot of scum we see out there. And if my marriage is really over, it’s not just me.”</p><p>Bobby tries to tell Eddie, “Eddie, I’ve seen both you and Buck run into buildings to save people or cut the line for people you don’t even know. But now you’re both going to just let your marriage burn itself out until there’s nothing left?”</p><p>Eddie can’t let that slide, so he leans in, “Bobby, you’re my captain, but more than that, you’re my friend. And I know how close you and Buck are. I’ve given you a lot of leeway when it comes to my personal life when I needed it. But please don’t push your luck, especially not here, not now.”</p><p>With that, Eddie stands up, and walks out of the dining area.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, as Eddie’s doing his early morning run, he remembers if he’s going to take these 40 days seriously, he should probably read what his abuela gave him.</p><p>When he opens the journal, a letter falls out, so he reads,</p><p>
  <em> Mi nieto, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> These next 40 days should not be taken lightly. It will be hard and more difficult than not, but very rewarding. If you can commit to one day at a time for the next 40 days, the results could change your life as well as your marriage. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Think of it as a dare, given to you by those who’ve done it in the past. </em>
</p><p>Sounds simple enough, so Eddie flips the book to the first page.</p><p>
  <em> Day one: Part one is actually simpler than you might think. Love is expressed in a manner of ways, and what we say is often an indicator of how we really feel deep in our souls. For the next 24 hours, spend them all without saying one negative word to your spouse. If you’re ever tempted, choose to not say it. Better to hold your tongue and be thought of as wrong then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always listen first, speak slowly, and should you get angry, be quick to soothe the temper. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Proverbs 15:18</em>
</p><p>Eddie slams the book closed then, sighing. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but a whole day?</p><p> </p><p>Later, as he’s getting ready for a shift, he drops something on the counter, right as Buck’s making coffee. “Think you can drop this off at the dry cleaners?”</p><p>Buck doesn’t look up as he replies, “With the two days you’ve had off, I would’ve thought you’d taken care of that yourself.”</p><p>Here, Eddie really wants to say something, just to let Buck know how much comments like that piss him off.</p><p>But then he remembers he can’t, packs up his shirt, and just walks away. He can’t say anything negative for a full 24 hours. He’s not going to bail before he’s even started.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Day 2: It’s hard to show your spouse you love them when you’re not motivated to. But love at its very core is not based on how you feel, it’s about showing how thoughtful you are with your actions, even when most oftentimes, there is no reward. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> On top of saying nothing negative to your spouse on this day, do something completely unexpected for your spouse as a gesture of goodwill. </em>
</p><p>That seems easier, although the saying nothing negative part is still proving to be difficult.</p><p>But nevertheless, when he gets up the next morning, he’s up before Buck, setting a freshly poured mug on the counter.</p><p>When he hears Buck walk over, Eddie points out, “Hey, poured you some coffee.”</p><p>Buck doesn’t even spare a glance as he grabs his stuff, “No time.”, and walks out without even a goodbye.</p><p>Naturally, that just leaves him utterly shocked. Yes, it’s just coffee, but never in the entire time Eddie’s known Buck has Buck ever turned it down first thing in the morning. He even usually insists on making it himself.</p><p>That tells Eddie that his refusal actually isn’t about being pressed for time. It’s deliberate, just because of the simple fact that Eddie was the one that made it, the one to offer it.</p><p>Pissed, Eddie grabs the mug dumping it in the sink. Then, just for good measure, he dumps the rest of the coffee pot too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Days 3 and 4, and a roadblock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Day 3: What you put your time and effort into, becomes what is most important. How are you supposed to care for something if you’re not invested in it? Along with not saying anything negative, buy your spouse something that says you were thinking about them. </em>
</p><p>Later, at the fire station, Eddie’s on the phone.</p><p>“Hi, I need to buy a bouquet for my husband.” A beat, then, “No, I don’t care about that.” Pause. “Okay, and how much is that?” Pause. “65? Do you have anything cheaper?” Pause. “Yeah, that sounds better. I’ll do the 30. What about some butter cookies? How much would that cost me?” Eddie winces. “Yikes.” Then, “Okay, that’s more like it. Okay, what about a small stuffed bear?” Pause. “Okay, forget that. So how long is that going to take to throw together?”</p><p> </p><p>Later, when Buck comes home, he finds a vase of some pretty sad looking flowers, along with a tin of butter cookies. Out of curiosity more than anything else, he looks at the note, which only says, <em> Thinking of You. </em></p><p>Buck rolls his eyes, because a vase of flowers and butter cookies don’t cancel out what’s been happening. If Eddie paid any attention at all, he’d know that.</p><p>With that, Buck leaves them both exactly where they are.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, Buck’s talking with Hen and Marge at the nurse’s station when his phone suddenly goes off, so he steps a few feet away to answer it.</p><p>“Go for Buck.”</p><p>“<em>Hey, it’s Eddie. Just wanted to call and check on you. </em>”</p><p>Buck’s face becomes bewildered in an instant, “You wanted to check on me? Why?”</p><p>“<em>Uh, just, you know, to see if you needed anything. </em>”</p><p>Which only leaves Buck even more confused, “You called me to see if I needed anything?”</p><p>“<em>Yeah. You want me to grab something to bring home for you? Or grab something in the morning? </em>”</p><p>Buck’s more than suspicious as he asks, “Eddie, not once have you ever asked me that. What the hell’s going on?”</p><p>“<em>Nothing. I just wanted to see if you needed anything.</em>”</p><p>Buck’s not sure if he fully believes that, so he just says, “No, I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>At the fire station, Eddie just replies, “Okay. Well, then, bye.”, hangs up, “Day 4, done.”, and leaves the locker room.</p><p> </p><p>But Buck can’t let what just happened go, so he goes back to the nurses station, where Hen and Marge are waiting.</p><p>Seeing Buck’s confusion, Marge asks, “Hey, Buck, how are you?”</p><p>Buck’s shaking his head, “I am completely confused. Eddie’s been really weird lately.”</p><p>Hen asks, now curious, “Why? What’s he doing?”</p><p>Buck tells them, “Past few days, he’s made me coffee, bought me a really pathetic bouquet of flowers, and just a moment ago, he called me to see how I was, see if I needed anything.”</p><p>Hen’s not sure what to think, “Okay...”, but Marge definitely does, “Oh really? I have a pretty good idea what he’s doing, if that’s the case. He’s buttering you up right before you start the divorce process.”</p><p>Neither Buck or Hen fully buy that, “No, that’s crazy.” “Yeah, why would Eddie do something like that?”</p><p>Marge explains, “Right before my sister got divorced, her ex did the same exact thing. Acted all nice, then before she could blink, he took everything right out from under her. Won’t even talk to each other anymore. Do not let yourself fall for that bullshit.”</p><p>Hen still doesn’t fully believe that, but to her dismay, it definitely looks like Buck’s starting to.</p><p>Buck shakes his head, pissed. Of course. Why didn’t he see it before?</p><p> </p><p>When Buck finally gets home, miraculously Eddie is too, on his laptop while keeping out a ear for Chris.</p><p>When Eddie hears footsteps, he quickly closes the window.</p><p>Neither of them say anything for several seconds, then Buck asks, “Did you clear your browsing history?”</p><p>Eddie turns around, “Huh?”</p><p>“Did you clear your history, so nobody would see what you were doing?”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t even reply, because he knows that would just lead to him saying something negative, so he goes back to typing on his computer.</p><p>That’s fine with Buck, who’s been gearing up for another fight as he tells Eddie, “I don’t buy what you’re doing for one second, Eddie. I know exactly what your ulterior motives are, with the flowers and you calling me when I’m talking to Hen.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t bother turning around this time, and just asks, “Oh yeah? And what would that be?”</p><p>Buck tells Eddie calmly, as he sorts through the mail, “I’m meeting with a lawyer next week, and if you honestly think for even a second I’m going to let my guard down because of this whole nice guy routine, you are sadly mistaken.”</p><p>That leaves Eddie confused, turning his head slightly, “What the hell are you talking about?”</p><p>Buck stays calm as he tells Eddie how it’s going to be, “I’m not letting you take a dime more than I deserve. Once this is all finalized, I’m taking what’s mine.”</p><p>Here, Buck stops to make sure he has Eddie’s attention, then says, voice leaving no room for argument, “And I don’t care how pissed off you are at me, or what names you call me behind my back. You are not for one second turning Chris into something to be fought over like property. Whether you like it or not, he’s our kid, has been since I adopted him, and he deserves two parents in his life that love him more than they hate each other.”</p><p>That gets Eddie to finally stand up moving closer, “You seriously mean to tell me that’s what you think I’ve been doing?”</p><p>Buck does the same, “No, I <em> know </em> that’s what you’re doing.”</p><p>Eddie snaps, “You’re wrong. Dead wrong. Why can’t you stop to think for a second I might actually be trying to do something nice? Something loving?”</p><p>“<em>Loving? </em>” Buck repeats, like he’s not sure whether to laugh or spit on the word. “Then what were you just looking at, Eddie? What was just on the laptop? Was that something loving? Seriously, who are you trying to convince here? You want to know why all the little sweet things you’ve been doing amount to nothing? Because that’s the kind of guy you really are. The guy you’ve turned into. When you’re by yourself, you just go back to that same default. And there’s nothing loving about any of it.”</p><p>With that, Buck storms off towards Chris’ bedroom, while Eddie goes back outside.</p><p>This time, he sees a baseball bat, so he grabs it and starts beating the trash can with it. He knows how childish this is, but right now if he doesn’t let it out somehow, he’s going to do something he’ll regret.</p><p>Then he throws the bat off to the side somewhere, where once again, the neighbor is watching.</p><p>Embarrassed at having been caught again, he just nods at the man, then pulls his phone out to call his abuela.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't care what y'all say, Buck will always fight for Chris, regardless of what's going on with him and Eddie.</p><p>Fight me. (ง'̀-'́)ง</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Day 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once he’s in his car, he lets the phone ring, and once Abuela picks up, Eddie wastes no time telling her,</p><p>“Abuela, it’s not working.”</p><p>
  <em> “What isn’t?” </em>
</p><p>“El amor se atreve. It’s not working.”</p><p>
  <em> “Oh Nieto, tell me what’s wrong.” </em>
</p><p>“I’ve been following everything to the letter, and Buck doesn’t want any of it.”</p><p>“<em> Edmundo, it takes 40 days, not 4. </em>”</p><p>“I just don’t understand why I should waste time driving down a one way street when we both know it’s a dead end.”</p><p>“<em> You don’t know that, nieto. I’ve never known you to quit anything, Edmundo. And why do I have a sneaking suspicion you’re only doing the bare minimum? </em> ” when Eddie doesn’t reply, she pushes, “ <em> Am I right? </em>”</p><p>Eddie takes a breath before admitting, “I don’t feel anything, abuela.”</p><p>“<em> Edmundo, I understand. But this isn’t just about feelings. This is about your decisions. You can’t give up when you’ve only just started. Keep going. Un día a la vez." </em></p><p>Eddie nods in understanding, “Okay, abuela, I understand.”</p><p>“<em> Te amo, nieto. </em>”</p><p>“Te amo.”</p><p>With that, Eddie hangs up, wiping  a hand across his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what to do, little man.” Buck tells baby Johnny, as he holds him in his arms.</p><p>“I know this is the time where I need to hold on in the hard times, but...”</p><p>Buck sighs. “With what I have as competition, it’s a miracle I’m even in the running.”</p><p>He thinks, somewhere, that maybe this isn’t something he should be telling a baby, especially Maddie’s baby, but by now, he’s just so frustrated to where he just needs to get it off his chest.</p><p>“He makes me feel ridiculous without even knowing it. When did I stop being enough for him?”</p><p> </p><p>On another day, Eddie’s just about to power up the laptop again, but this time, he stops. Instead, he looks at a picture on the desk, put there what seems like forever ago.</p><p>It’s a picture of the three of them, just having fun at the pier, to prove the tsunami didn’t ruin it for them. What Eddie wouldn’t give to be back in that time, when tsunamis were all they had to worry about.</p><p>But then he thinks of Buck, probably out on a call right now, and what he said about the computer being his default.</p><p>Then he gets up, and walks away.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Buck’s enjoying a casual lunch with Ethan on his break, and can’t deny he’s found himself looking forward to them more and more, as the days go by.</p><p>Later, when he’s back at the fire station, he finds a simple rose and a card, and when he sees it’s from Ethan, he can’t help but smile.</p><p>In fact, it’s enough for him to want to go all the way back to the hospital between calls just to thank him.</p><p>The entire time, they talk back and forth as Ethan goes over his charts, but neither of them notice just how much they’re talking.</p><p>But Hen absolutely does, and she is not liking it at all. She knows things are as good as over with him and Eddie right now, but to openly flirt with another man, before the the pen’s even brought to the divorce papers?</p><p>Hen wishes more than anything he could tell Eddie about this, but she knows she can’t.</p><p>Seeing how happy Buck looks, regardless of why he is, she knows she can’t be the one to ruin it.</p><p> </p><p>Bobby’s cooking a meal, as he asks,“What day are you on?”</p><p>Eddie tells Bobby, as he reads through the book, “18.”</p><p>Bobby asks kindly, “How’s that working out?”</p><p>Eddie sighs, “It’s difficult. Every day adds something new to how I treat him.”</p><p>Bobby pushes him to go on, “Example.”</p><p>Eddie pulls the book out, flipping to the right page, “Here’s one. Day 16, I was supposed to pray for him. I tried, but it felt off. Day 17 was about listening to him. And 18, now it’s about studying him.”</p><p>“Studying him?”</p><p>Eddie nods, flipping to the page, reading out loud, “When a man is trying to win over someone’s heart, he studies them. He finds out the spouse’s likes and dislikes, their quirks and hobbies. But after he wins their heart and marries them, that’s when the learning stops. If the effort he put in before they were married amounts to a whole high school education, then the time after would equal a college, a master’s, even a doctorate. It’s a lifelong effort that makes them closer than ever.”</p><p>Here, Bobby has to admit, “That is very interesting. I never would’ve thought about it like that before.”</p><p>Eddie asks, “Do you study Athena?”</p><p>Bobby nods, “Of course, but I don’t think I’m at the college degree level yet. Tell me a little more about studying him.”</p><p>Eddie sighs, “I’m supposed to make him a romantic dinner for two, then ask him a bunch of questions.”</p><p>Here, Bobby puts down his spatula, and looks at Eddie, “My advice? Go all out.”</p><p>This surprises Eddie, so he prompts, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Bobby tells him, “Don’t be a cheapskate on this. If you don’t make it yourself, get the food from a good restaurant. Bring it home, use your good plates, good glasses, music, the whole thing. Do everything you can to make it memorable.”</p><p> </p><p>That night, Eddie’s just putting the finishing touches on the dinner for two. Chris has already gone to bed, so it’s just going to be the two of them. He’d chosen to listen to Bobby’s advice, grabbing the meal from where they had their first date.</p><p>He lights the candles one by one, checks his watch, making sure he’s not wrong about when Buck’s supposed to be home.</p><p>Then he hears Buck walking up the driveway, so he puts the lighter away, suddenly nervous.</p><p>When the front door opens, Buck turns to drop his keys on the table, then turns towards the dining room.</p><p>And sees a very romantic candlelit dinner for two, with Eddie standing by the table.</p><p>Buck knows better than to fall for this again, but he still moves closer, curiosity piqued.</p><p>Eddie pulls a chair out, in invitation.</p><p>But Buck doesn’t sit down, instead just walks away.</p><p>Once he’s in the guest room, he stares at himself in the mirror for several long seconds, reminding himself, <em> stand your ground. </em></p><p>Once he’s ready, he walks back out, where Eddie’s still standing there, looking hopeful.</p><p>Too bad. “Eddie, what are you doing? Where’s Chris?”</p><p>There’s so many ways Eddie could respond to that, but after all this time, all he says is, “Maybe I’d just like to have dinner with my husband.”</p><p>For a second, Buck wants to believe him. He can even feel himself almost take a step forward.</p><p>But then he catches himself. No. He’s not letting himself fall for this. No matter what. He can’t. Not after that horrible night.</p><p>Steeling himself, Buck takes one step closer to Eddie, and says, “Let me make one thing abundantly clear.”</p><p>Once he has Eddie’s attention, he says slowly, and deliberately,</p><p>“I. Do not. Love you. Anymore.”</p><p>This, of course, is a flat out lie, but he can tell it succeeded in getting under Eddie’s skin.</p><p>Satisfied, Buck walks away, leaving Eddie with an untouched meal, and tears in his eyes.</p><p>Once he’s sure Buck can’t see him, he puts the candles out, then walks out the back door.</p><p>He paces back and forth several times, but instead of beating up the trash can again, he sits down at the table on the back patio, frantically dialing his abuela’s number.</p><p>She answers, “<em>Hola, Nieto.</em>”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Abuela, but we’re done. I can’t keep this up. I’ve given it my best, but there’s nothing left to save. It’s not worth fighting for.”</p><p>“<em>I understand, Edmundo, but you’re only at the halfway point. This was hard for us too</em>.”</p><p>“Abuela, you had hope everything would work out. Buck’s not even giving me an inch.”</p><p>“<em>We didn’t have hope either, nieto. Our marriage</em><em> was good as over too. You have to ignore what you’re feeling right now, Edmundo. I know Buck’s seen you trying.</em>”</p><p>“No, abuela, he doesn’t care. None of the things I’ve done have meant anything to him. I tried, abuela.”</p><p>“<em>Edmundo, are you off tomorrow? </em>”</p><p>Confused, Eddie replies, “Yeah, it’s my turn to look after Chris. Why?”</p><p>“<em>I’m driving down there to visit. We can talk more then."</em></p><p>Eddie’s quick to say, “Abuela, no. You don’t have to drive all the way out there just for this.”</p><p>“<em>I want to, nieto. I’d really love to come.</em>”</p><p>Hearing the no nonsense tone, Eddie concedes, “Alright.”, and hangs up, covering his face with a hand again.</p><p>Unbeknownst to him, Buck is in the guest room, crying his eyes out.</p><p>He can’t believe what he heard himself say, but it’s too late to take it back now.</p><p>No way in hell is he going to let Eddie or Chris see him like this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Epiphany</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Or: why up till now Chris has only been mentioned.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Abuela, I have to be honest here. I feel bad you drove all the way out here on a day when your hip was acting up just to see me and Chris.”</p><p>Abuela waves it off, as they walk around Eddie’s backyard, “I didn’t mind. Gave me time to think. What day are you on, 20?”</p><p>Eddie nods, “Something like that.”</p><p>Abuela nods as well, “I’d say the halfway point was the hardest for us as well.”</p><p>Eddie asks, as they start walking closer to the house, “Why’s that?”</p><p>Abuela explains, “I think this is the point when you start to realize if you’re really committed. Makes you ask yourself what your intentions actually are when it gets difficult.”</p><p>That’s got Eddie interested, “Oh yeah? Did Abuelo make it hard on you?”</p><p>Abuela shakes her head, “No, actually, I think your abuelo handled it very well.”</p><p>Eddie has to tell her, “Well, unfortunately, Buck doesn’t want anything to do with it.”</p><p>Abuela asks, “Why do you think that is?”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t bother to hide his bitterness, “Because he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t even think he likes me anymore. He’s ignored every single thing I’ve tried to do.”</p><p>Abuela asks, as a test, “Are you reading everything in the book? All the pages?”</p><p>Eddie knows what she’s trying to ask, “You mean the Bible verses? Yeah, I’ve tried, Abuela. I really have. They’re mostly about being patient. But patience is not what I need right now.”</p><p>Abuela pushes, “Then what do you think you need?”</p><p>Eddie blurts out, “I need Buck to get a clue about the fact that we’re two signatures away from being divorced! I’m doing everything I can to stop that from happening, but I can’t do it all on my own.”</p><p>Abuela tells him patiently, “You might be right about that, but I think you need more.”</p><p>Eddie isn’t in the mood, “Abuela, if you’re going to tell me I need God, please don’t. I already do, in my own way. I prayed to Him when every natural disaster happened to keep the ones I love safe. I prayed to Him to give Christopher strength on the days when he wanted to give up.”</p><p>Abuela soothes, “Oh, Edmundo, it’s so much more than that.”</p><p>When Eddie has to sit down, head in his hands, she still pushes, “Tell me, something. If I were to ask you, right now, why you’re so frustrated with Buck, what would you say?”</p><p>Finally, something Eddie knows he can answer, as he looks up, “He’s pigheaded. He makes everything so much harder than it as to be. He’s completely selfish. He always has something new to complain about.”</p><p>Abuela urges, “Has he ever thanked you for any of it?”</p><p>Eddie’s more than happy to say, “No! And you’d think after I’d gotten his car washed, got the oil changed, done the dishes, clean up the house, that he could be just a little bit thankful. But he’s not.”</p><p>Here, Abuela starts moving away, but Eddie’s so focused on venting, he doesn’t see, “And when I’m home, he makes me feel like a complete idiot for even trying. I don’t feel like I belong in my own house, Abuela. That hurts more than anything else.”</p><p>Abuela keeps pacing as she listens to Eddie’s ranting, “Abuela, for the last three weeks, I’ve been jumping through hoops for him. I’ve literally done everything to prove I still care about making us work.”</p><p>Then he gets to the list, “I bought him flowers, he dumped them in the trash right in front of me. I took every barb, every snide comment, but last night was the final straw. I made a nice meal for him, I showed in every aspect of it that I still cared about him, and threw it all back in my face. He doesn’t deserve this, Abuela. I’m not doing it anymore.”</p><p>Here, he has to turn himself towards Abuela, who’s now closer to she sliding glass door, so he finishes with a question,</p><p>“Tell me, how exactly am I supposed to prove my love to someone every single day, who constantly tells me he doesn’t want it anymore?”</p><p>Finally, Abuela says something, looking inside as she says, “That’s a very good question.”</p><p>Eddie follows her gaze, and sees probably the last thing he expected to see:</p><p>Christopher, playing with his toys, looking like he’s having the time of his life, despite the fact that he’s technically by himself.</p><p>Instantly, Eddie understands what Abuela’s been trying to say, and he’s quick to deny, “No, Abuela, that isn’t what I’m doing at all.”</p><p>Abuela looks right at Eddie as she says, “Are you sure?”</p><p>Eddie wants more than anything to deny it, and tries again, “Abuela, this isn’t even close to being about that at all.”</p><p>Abuela starts talking again, and it’s clear Eddie’s meant to listen, not speak, “Nieto, you just asked me, How can you prove your love when they don’t want it? Edmundo, the answer is quite simple. You can’t love what you don’t have.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t say anything, just puts a hand to his head, but Abuela keeps talking, “I couldn’t truly love your abuelo until I knew what it really meant. It’s not because I wanted something back. It’s about how I chose to love your abuelo, whether he earned it or not. Nieto, your son loves you regardless if you deserve him or not. Even though you’ve let him fall by the wayside, threw it back in his face. That little boy in there was sent to you as one of God’s angels because He knew nobody would love him more than you. I never knew what that love could do for someone until I had your Papa.”</p><p>Finally, Abuela’s back to standing right in front of Eddie, who’s trying not to tear up. Abuela crouches down, continuing, “But when I did, oh, Edmundo, he changed my life. That’s when I could truly love with my whole heart. Nieto, I can’t fix this. It’s between you and that little boy. But I love you enough to tell you the truth. Can’t you see how much that little boy needs you?”</p><p>Eddie knows he can’t deny this, hell he won’t deny this. But he still can’t meet his abuela’s eyes, so he nods.</p><p>Abuela pushes, “Can’t you see he needs all of you?”</p><p>Here, Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose as he finally whispers, so quietly, “Yes.”</p><p>Abuela asks, “Will you put him first always?”</p><p>That seems to be the final push Eddie needed, as he looks at his abuela, tears in his eyes, and gives only the slightest nod.</p><p>That’s all the confirmation Abuela needs, and moves in closer to wrap Eddie in a tight hug.</p><p>Neither of them say anything for a while after that, but when they finally go inside, the first thing Eddie does is go sit with his son.</p><p>He doesn’t care what he has to do next, he’s not letting this little boy down ever again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Commitment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Does Buck know about your recommitment to your son, and the family?” Bobby asks him the next day.</p><p>Eddie shakes his head, “No, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think he’d care. He hasn’t exactly been open to the whole Love Dare in the first place.”</p><p>Bobby asks, “But you’re not done yet, are you?”</p><p>Eddie assures him, “No, not yet. I’m on day 21 out of 40. But Bobby, I can’t lie. Up till now, I haven’t really been fully committed to it as I should’ve been.”</p><p>Bobby says kindly, “That’s what’s really important, Eddie. A spouse can always tell when you’re just biding your time.”</p><p>Eddie nods sheepishly, “You’re 100% right on that. Can I ask you something?”</p><p>When Bobby nods, Eddie asks, “How did you and Athena get it so right? How was it so easy?”</p><p>Bobby reminds him, “There was nothing easy about it. A marriage takes time and effort. Athena is an incredible woman, but to get where we are now, we had to go through some hard things first.”</p><p>Eddie nods in sympathy, “Yeah, well, you haven’t reached the point where you seriously considered divorce.”</p><p>At this, Bobby walks away, “I wish I could tell you that was true.”</p><p>Eddie has to ask, “Was your first marriage really that bad?”</p><p>Bobby takes a look around, to make sure no one’s listening in, then, “I was with her long enough to have two kids together. But I was a complete wreck towards the end. I should’ve been the one to end things, I know that, but I couldn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t. At all. And the next thing I knew, both my wife and my daughters burned up in a fire.”</p><p>Eddie’s astounded, “Bobby, I’ve been on the 118 for a while now, and you’ve never told me about this.”</p><p>Bobby explains, “It’s not exactly something I want people knowing. Before I fell in love with Athena and married her, all I cared about was how the world had wronged me, how everyone else was to blame, but not me, Never me. The truth is I ruined their lives long before they died. But when I finally sobered up, focused on what was really important in my life, I realized how healing falling in love again can truly be. Believe me when I tell you the pain of what happened to them will never really go away. Marriage is supposed to be for life.”</p><p>Here, Bobby holds up the still glued together peanut butter and hot fudge, “That’s why you need to take your vows to Buck seriously. You need to remind yourself what it means to be a good husband, and a good father for your son. Don’t just do what’s right in your heart. The heart can be lied to. You have to guide your heart in the right direction.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just been so hard for me.” Buck says at lunch, in the hospital cafeteria. “Saw Chim and Maddie again yesterday. Johnny’s not doing so well. It’s amazing what something like Down’s Syndrome can do to a kid before they’ve even learned to speak.”</p><p>Here, Buck stops to push his food around some, but ultimately doesn’t bother taking  a bite, “I just feel like they’re stuck. I know Maddie and Chim are amazing parents, but I know they’re going out of their minds worried about giving their little boy the best care they can.”</p><p>Ethan’s remorse is genuine, as he looks Buck in the eyes and says, “Buck, I’m so sorry. You’re pretty close to your sister, aren’t you?”</p><p>Buck nods, “Yeah, I am. We reconnected not too long ago, so it was like meeting a whole new person.”</p><p>Ethan jokes, “Ah, so she was the bratty older sister that was always nagging you?”</p><p>Buck splutters in mock outrage, laughing, “Hey, I’d say she did just fine. She was there for me in the hardest times of my life.”</p><p>Ethan agrees, “You were lucky to have her. She should be proud of the man you are now.”</p><p>Here, Buck notes, “Wow. Who would’ve thought a guy like you could possibly be sweet when he wants to be?”</p><p>Now it’s Ethan’s turn to pretend to be outraged, “Possibly?”</p><p>Buck keeps it up, “Give it time, and I’m sure you’ll eventually be the perfect gentleman for someone.”</p><p>Ethan goes along with it, “If there’s gentleman lessons, can you be my teacher?”</p><p>They share a chuckle at that, then Ethan asks, “So tell me, what exactly does your sister’s son need?”</p><p>Buck hesitates, then decides he has nothing to lose by telling him, “Well, they need a home health care aid for him, someone to cut through all the red tape. Like Carla does for Christopher. That’s definitely top priority. I’ve been talking to Carla about putting some feelers out, but it’s tough, especially when she’s already stretched pretty thin looking after Chris, as well as her other clients.”</p><p>Ethan reminds Buck, “Well, there’s no limit what someone is willing to do for family, is there?”</p><p>Buck can agree with that, “You’re absolutely right. So it’s worth making all the phone calls, no matter how many walls I hit.”</p><p>Ethan repeats, “You know, she really is lucky to have you as a brother.”</p><p>At that, Buck flashes his signature smile, and weirdly, he finds himself believing it when he hears Ethan say it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Ring of Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later that day, a call comes in, so the 118 immediately jumps into action.</p><p>As soon as they’re in the car, they hear on the radio, “<em>Structure fire, residence. Time out, 15:32.</em>”</p><p>Bobby calls back, “Copy that, Eddie?”</p><p>Eddie quickly responds, “Copy that.”</p><p>As they move, they hear, “<em>Be advised, we’ve received several calls regarding the same structure fire.</em>”</p><p>Bobby tells the rest of the team, “That means something’s up with this fire. Be ready for anything.”</p><p>Once they reach the address, Bobby radios in, “Engine 2 is 0-23. Single story brick building. 40 percent involved. We’re using a 1 inch and ¾ for rescue. Engine 1, we need a line. Be advised, there’s a hydrant right next to Engine 2.”</p><p>Quickly, they get the response, “<em>Unit 1 is clear. One supply line.</em>”</p><p>That done, Bobby calls out, “Eddie, with me.”, and walks over to some bystanders nearby.</p><p>“Do you live here? Is everyone safely outside?”</p><p>The woman points next door, “My son’s right next door, but you need to listen! This is our home, please, I need you to put the fire out.”</p><p>Bobby assures her, “We will, ma’am. Right now we need you to stay clear.”</p><p>But then, a young kid runs up screaming, “No no no!”</p><p>The woman asks, “Mikey, where’s Logan?”</p><p>Mikey exclaims, scared, “He already went home!”</p><p>At that, the man right by the tearful woman shouts, “You mean he’s not at your house?!”</p><p>Mikey frantically shakes his head, “No, I was just talking to him on the phone!”</p><p>At that, the woman starts shrieking, “LOGAN!”, right as the man tries running inside.</p><p>Thankfully Eddie’s faster, tackling him to the ground, trying to get through to him, “Sir, I can’t let you go in there.”</p><p>The man tries to fight him off, “Let me go! My son is in there!”</p><p>Eddie holds firm, calling to the rest of the team, “Let’s go!”</p><p>Quickly, they all get their smoke masks firmly on their faces, while Bobby takes over so Eddie can slip on his own mask and use the axe to force the door open.</p><p>It flies open in one hit, so Eddie ducks down, in case of a backdraft, and once he’s clear, he heads inside, crawling on his hands and knees, calling out as he goes.</p><p>“Logan! Logan!”</p><p>There’s no reply as he moves from room to room, but he knows the kid has to be somewhere in here, and sure enough, when he pushes another door open, there he is, passed out from the smoke.</p><p>Carefully, Eddie gathers up the kid in his arms, and tries to quickly make his way back out.</p><p>Unfortunately, he’s not quick enough, as once he’s standing upright, part of the burning roof falls, cutting off his exit route, and hitting one of his teammates right on the back, leaving them unable to assist.</p><p>Eddie quickly kicks the door back shut, sets the kid back down for the briefest of seconds, and after checking for a pulse that’s thankfully still there, uses the axe to bash the window open, and make as much noise as he can as he calls out,</p><p>“Hey! I’m here! Over here!”</p><p>But he knows the kid doesn’t have a lot of time left, so he takes off his fire helmet, pulls off his mask, and gets it over the still unconscious boy’s face.</p><p>“Breathe, Logan. Breathe!” Eddie looks around for a second, slightly panicked, but knowing he can’t move.</p><p>Outside, Bobby tries to get through to Eddie on the walkie talkie, “Eddie, you need to get out of there. The roof’s about to collapse completely.”</p><p>Unfortunately, Eddie’s walkie talkie is still on the fire truck, so Bobby’s, “<em>Eddie, can you hear me? I said you need to get out! </em>”, goes unheard.</p><p>Eddie starts coughing heavily, but he can’t focus on that, so he says out loud, “Get us out of here. Please just let us get out of here.”, as he feels around the floor, until he finds the axe again.</p><p>The second it’s in his hands, he starts hitting the floorboards with it, listening for any hollowness that would indicate a crawlspace.</p><p>The second he hears it, he starts swinging the axe down on the floor like a madman, which is a lot easier than usual, what with all the practice he’s been getting with the baseball bat and the trash can.</p><p>Finally, he’s hacked away enough to make a decent sized hole, big enough for Logan to fit through, so he quickly pushes his equipment aside, and carefully drops Logan into it, before dropping in himself.</p><p>The second he’s in the crawlspace, he sees a little window as his exit, and starts moving towards it.</p><p>Only, as he does, some of the burning wood follows him down through the hole, but he keeps moving, one arm wrapped around Logan, the other pulling him towards the small opening.</p><p>A few times he almost gets hit, but he pushes on, and once he’s at the opening, he kicks with all his might to kick out the grating, until it finally gives.</p><p>But there’s no time to breathe a sigh of relief, as Eddie pushes Logan out first, and it can’t even be a few seconds later when he hears someone shout, “There! They’re over there!”</p><p>Upon seeing Bobby move over to where they are, Eddie urges Bobby, “Take the kid. Take the kid!”</p><p>Bobby quickly pulls Logan out of Eddie’s hold, right as another firefighter shows up to pull Eddie out and drag him out of the crawlspace.</p><p> </p><p>The second he hears the news, Buck makes his way over to the room Eddie’s being looked at by Ethan and a nurse.</p><p>Buck’s not going to pretend he’s not upset to see Eddie covered in dirt and burnt skin. But he still manages to say, “You look like crap.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t take offense, just says with a smile, “Well, I feel like crap.”</p><p>Buck keeps his arms crossed, as he asks, “You going to be okay?”</p><p>The nurse tells Buck, as she dresses Eddie’s arm, “Just some first degree burns, but otherwise, he should be fine. This is your husband?”</p><p>At that, Ethan turns to see Buck’s response, and after looking once in his direction, Buck has no choice but to admit, “Yes, he is.”</p><p>The shocked look on Ethan’s face is priceless, as the nurse goes on, oblivious, “Your husband is a damn hero. Sir, I need you to keep your arm elevated for the next 24 hours, let the swelling go down, then come back in two more days so we can check you out.”</p><p>At that, Buck excuses himself, “Well then, don’t let me keep you.”, and turns to go.</p><p>The nurse objects, “Oh you’re not keeping me. You can stick around.”</p><p>That only makes Buck pause for a second, but he just says, “No, it’s fine. Your job’s too important.”, and walks away.</p><p>Eddie follows Buck’s retreating back until he disappears, as he hears the nurse tell him, “Sir, I’m going to grab some more gauze to take home, and fill out a prescription for pain medication.”, and leave Eddie and Ethan by themselves.</p><p>Eddie looks to make sure he nurse is gone, then tries to discretely reach for his wedding ring and St. Christopher medallion and slip them both back on.</p><p>Only he wasn’t discrete enough, as Ethan tries to stop him, “I wouldn’t recommend doing that, at least not until your almost healed.”</p><p>Eddie only pauses for a second, before informing Ethan, “My hand’s just gonna have to heal with my ring on my finger, and my medallion on my chest."</p><p>With that, Eddie slides his ring all the way back on, and slips his medallion over his head.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In case you need a reminder: at this point Eddie doesn't know anything about Ethan or what him and Buck have been doing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Solution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Abuela, it’s going to be fine. I’ll be completely healed up in a couple weeks.” </p><p>Eddie tells her over the phone, after being released from the hospital.</p><p>“Yes, I have it all wrapped up as we speak.” “Can you just cut me a little slask, por favor? I’m a firefighter, and that means I’m going to be around fire.” “I know. I just don’t need to be grilled every time I answer the phone.”</p><p>A beat, then Eddie picks up the book, answering, “Yeah, today’s day 23. It was pretty tough this morning. Newspaper called me a few times already. Apparently the only person I’m not a hero to is my husband.”</p><p>Quickly, Eddie assures her, “No, I’m not giving up.” One last pause, “Gracias, abuela. I’ll call again soon.”</p><p>Feeling better just from the phone call, Eddie hangs up.</p><p> </p><p>Later, he’s on the laptop, looking at different parts to restore his car. </p><p>But this time, a pop up shows up, for a porn site. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Just exit the window and move on.</p><p>And still, he starts to hover the mouse arrow over the window, finger ready to click.</p><p>But something about this particular window is different. It’s not the sexy person pictured, or even the fact that most likely it’ll freeze his laptop for days.</p><p>No, this time, he’s hesitating because he knows what he has to do, what the Love Dare wants him to do, he just doesn’t know if he has what it takes to make that leap.</p><p>“No, I can’t.” he mutters to himself, and gets up to step away.</p><p>He keeps looking back at the laptop, fighting the urge to sit back down and forget this whole thing.</p><p>But he knows he can’t. He’s made it this far, he can’t stop now. He knows this already.</p><p>“Then why is this so hard?” he asks out loud to the empty room. The question, naturally, is completely rhetorical. He knows why.</p><p>Because somewhere in his gut, he knows this is the point of no return. Whatever happens from here on out, whatever he decides to do next will be the foundation he has to build on, to see the rest of it through, regardless of the outcome.</p><p>Frustrated, he goes back to the couch, picking up the book. Maybe if he reads it again, it’ll help him make up his mind.</p><p>
  <em> Day 23: Beware of parasites. A parasite is anything that can attach itself to you or your partner, draining the life out of your marriage. They typically manifest in addictions like gambling, drugs, alcohol, or even pornography. They promise to make you feel better, but in truth they carry poison, taking your thoughts, energy, and money with them. They take you and your love away from the people you love. Very rarely does a marriage survive with unchecked parasites. If you love your spouse, you must take any parasite that’s latched onto you, and destroy it once and for all. If not, it will be the very thing that does you in. </em>
</p><p>It does help some to read it again, and for a moment, Eddie just looks at where the laptop is, with the pop up window still on the screen.</p><p>And in an instant, he’s getting up and grabbing the laptop, not caring about the cords still plugged into it as he takes it right outside.</p><p>He sets it down right on the front patio table, then picks up the baseball bat still on the ground, ready to swing.</p><p>Eddie pulls out his medallion, kisses it once, and with a, “Okay, Chris. No more addictions.”, he takes the bat right to the laptop screen, knocking it right on the ground, shattering glass everywhere.</p><p>He doesn’t even care if someone’s watching this time, because this is too important.</p><p>He swings the bat down on the piece of crap laptop over and over again, an extra one they never needed anyway, and doesn’t even turn on half the time, watching the laptop keys fly off the board, until there’s absolutely no chance of fixing it.</p><p>This just might be the first time in his life where he took a bat to something, and actually feels better in a way beating up the trash can never did.</p><p> </p><p>Hours later, when Buck’s finally home, as he gets out of the car, he sees something that he’s almost positive is just his mind playing tricks on him.</p><p>But no. As he moves closer, there’s Eddie’s laptop, smashed, nothing but a pile of plastic and wires.</p><p>He goes inside, setting the mail down and tossing his keys aside, when he sees it.</p><p>On the table where Eddie usually keeps his laptop, is a vase of flowers. But this time they’re a far cry from the pathetic bouquet he received a few weeks ago.</p><p>
  
</p><p>These are big, beautiful tulips. They almost look like they were freshly cut.</p><p>Buck’s not sure what to think at all, but as he moves closer, he sees another card.</p><p>Fully prepared for another pathetic message, he picks it up.</p><p>
  <em> I love you and Chris more! </em>
</p><p>Buck looks at the flowers again, then back at the card. This, Buck can admit, has way more sentiment than that last bouquet did.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, after Eddie’s early morning run, he goes straight to his room and crashes.</p><p>Once he hears the sound of the front door closing, Eddie decides to get up anyway.</p><p>When he moves to the living room, he sees the tulips and note still there.</p><p>Considering the fate of the last bouquet he bought, he’ll take it.</p><p>He moves throughout the house, looking for any signs of Buck, not even sure what he’d say if they do see each other.</p><p>Then he sees it. An envelope, addressed to him, right by the decorative fruit bowl.</p><p>Eddie smiles when he sees it. Maybe things will be okay after all. If writing notes is what it takes to get them on the same page, he’ll gladly do it.</p><p>A hope that’s instantly dashed when he pulls the papers out of the envelope, and turns them over, and sees just about the furthest cry from a love letter that he’s ever seen.</p><p>“No.” Eddie gasps in desperation, as he frantically flips through the others, and they just confirm the rest of them.</p><p>The shock is enough to make him start shaking uncontrollably, as he leans against the wall, legs collapsing as he keeps reading the papers over and over.</p><p>“No, no.” He pleads, begging someone, anyone, to tell him it’s not real, that this isn’t happening.</p><p>Finally, he can’t look at them anymore, dropping the papers on the floor as he puts both hands behind his head.</p><p>Up until now, he’s always known this was something that could happen, but to see it now, after everything, after he’s just recommitted to being a good husband and father, it’s like a punch to the gut.</p><p> </p><p>In another part of the city, Abuela’s listening as Eddie calls her, crying his eyes out as he tells her the worst possible news he's had in a long time, rivaled only by when Buck told him he lost Chris in the tsunami.</p><p>Buck has just handed him divorce papers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Disengagement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A day or two later, Buck’s showing up at Carla’s agency walking right up to Maggie, who greets him with a smile.</p><p>“Hello, Buck, how are you?”</p><p>Buck replies, “I’m doing pretty okay. I’m actually here to take a look at the files for some of the home care providers I’ve been looking at for my nephew?”</p><p>Maggie tells him enthusiastically, “Oh I know your sister and her fiance have to be excited. When a parent of a kid with Down’s Syndrome finally gets someone who can help give their kid what they need, it really makes a difference.”</p><p>That doesn’t sound right, “I’m sorry, am I missing something?”</p><p>Maggie tells him, “I’m talking about the home care provider that was just assigned to your nephew.”</p><p>Buck still doesn’t understand, “To my nephew?”</p><p>Maggie nods, “Yeah, she’s probably over there with them right now. She’s one of our best.”</p><p>Buck shakes his head, “But I can’t afford that kind of home health care.”</p><p>Which is when Buck gets another surprise, “Actually, all the expenses have been taken care of. We got a call from a gentleman saying he wanted to pay for the home care provider you had your eye on. He made sure he covered everything, to where your sister and his fiance won’t have to worry about their child’s home care for a good decade.”</p><p>But Buck’s not listening, already walking away. He has to go see this for himself.</p><p>When he gets to Maddie and Chimney’s apartment, the first thing he sees is the thing he’s been wishing for more than anything.</p><p>Elisa, the home care provider that Buck just knew would be perfect for his nephew’s needs, is holding Johnny in her arms as she talks to both Maddie and Chim.</p><p>The whole thing makes Buck want to cry, and he quickly rushes towards Maddie, who grabs him in a  tight hug.</p><p>“Isn’t this amazing?”</p><p>“It’s incredible.” Buck replies, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice.</p><p>Then, Buck moves towards Johnny, still in Elisa’s arms as he reaches out to take him, then hugging both Maddie and Chimney as they all cry their tears of happiness.</p><p>There’s only one person Buck knows who would be this generous, and he’s going to give him the biggest thank you he can possibly give.</p><p> </p><p>Ethan’s going over a chart at the nurse’s station when Buck walks up to him, with the biggest smile on his face as he asks,</p><p>“Has anyone ever told you what a wonderful person you are?”</p><p>Flattered, Ethan smiles, “Maybe, but not lately.”</p><p>Buck can’t stop gushing, “Ethan, you really didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>Here, Ethan looks a little confused, “Do what?”</p><p>Buck tells him, “You gave money to get my sister and Chim a home care provider for their son. That was so generous of you. Thank you, so so much.”</p><p>Ethan smiles in understanding, “You’re welcome. Least I could do.”</p><p>At that, Buck reaches out a hand, placing it on Ethan’s, “Got any plans for lunch?”</p><p>Ethan jokes, “Now I do.”</p><p>Honestly? Buck can’t think of anything he’d want to do more.</p><p> </p><p>At home, Eddie’s cleaning up the house, picking up random garbage, when he reaches the guest room.</p><p>As he tosses an empty water bottle into the trash bag, he sees a card on the dresser.</p><p>He knows it’s none of his business, that he should just put it back down and walk away.</p><p>But after everything, he just has to know.</p><p>He sits on the bed, slipping the card open, heart sinking as he reads,</p><p>
  <em> Dear Evan, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Getting to know you has been one of the highlights of my work day. I think about you all the time, and I look forward to every time you come by. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ethan </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And that, he just can’t ignore. He’ll worry about the repercussions later, but right now, he has to get to the bottom of this.</p><p>He dials up the number of Hen’s hospital, and when someone picks up, he says,</p><p>“Hi, I’m just curious if an Ethan works there.” A beat, then, “No, I only have a first name.”</p><p> </p><p>When he gets to the hospital after his shift. He stops a doctor in the hallway, and point him towards the doctor’s office.</p><p>Ethan’s just looking over a patient’s charts when he hears, “Dr. Regis.”</p><p>Ethan looks up, and finds Edmundo Diaz standing in his doorway, “Yes?”</p><p>Eddie introduces himself, “Edmundo Diaz. I need to talk to you about something.”</p><p>Ethan tries to blow him off, “Now’s really not the best time. I’m about to start rounds.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t want to hear it, “Trust me, you’re going to want to make time for this. This is about Buck. My husband.”</p><p>Seeing Eddie’s serious, Ethan sighs, “Okay. How can I help you?”</p><p>Eddie wastes no time, “I know exactly what you’re doing. And no way in hell am I going to just step back and let you take Buck away from me or our son.”</p><p>Ethan rolls his eyes, but Eddie’s not done, “I am not a perfect person. I’ve made a lifetime of mistakes, but I’ve never stopped loving Buck throughout them for even a second. So let me just tell you that I’m tossing my own hat into the ring. And since we’re married, and have a kid we’d both gladly walk through fire for, I’d say I have a hell of a head start.”</p><p>Then, for emphasis, Eddie holds up his hand, “Thanks again for helping me fix my hand. Ring stays on and everything. And just so you know, the last time I messed it up? It was for street fighting. And that's when I lost."</p><p>With that, Eddie walks out with his head held high, right past Marge, who’s staring open mouthed for several seconds before she rushes down to the nurse's station to tell Hen.</p><p>What neither of them see is Ethan staring at one of his cabinets for several seconds, before pulling it open, and taking something out of it.</p><p>Then, before he can change his mind, he slides his wedding ring back on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marge’s just finished telling Hen and the rest of the nurses what happened between Eddie and Ethan, right when Buck walks up. Which is when all the nurses simultaneously go quiet.</p><p>Seeing this, Buck teases, “What’re you all gossiping about?”</p><p>Marge smiles, “Hey, Buck. How’re you doing?”</p><p>Buck plays along, “I’m just fine. Why’d you all go quiet when I came over here?”</p><p>Marge covers, “Because we all just decided we were done talking. What’s going on?”</p><p>Buck checks his watch, “Well I’m due back at the fire station in about an hour, but have you guys bumped into Dr. Regis?”</p><p>This would be where any sane person would tell Buck the truth, but Marge just replies, “Actually, I think I saw him making the rounds a few floors up.”</p><p>Buck smiles, “Alright then. See you later.”</p><p>Once Buck’s completely out of earshot, Hen demands, “Why didn’t you tell him?”</p><p>Marge is quick to remind her, “Because it really isn’t any of our business.”</p><p>Hen points out, “You just told all of us!”</p><p>Marge defends, “I know that. But we don’t want him knowing that.”</p><p>But that still doesn’t sit right with Hen, and as they all get back to work, she decides next chance she gets, she’s going to talk to Buck.</p><p> </p><p>Once Buck gets off the elevator, he makes a beeline for Ethan, giving him a warm smile, “Hey, how are you?”</p><p>Ethan tries not to show it, but truthfully, after that showdown with Eddie, he knows getting in the middle of this would be a bad idea.</p><p>But he still says politely, “Hey, Buck.”</p><p>Buck, completely oblivious, asks, “How’s the good doctor doing?”</p><p>Ethan makes a point of looking everywhere but at Buck as he says, “Actually, I’m seriously swamped.”</p><p>Buck asks, “We still on to have lunch?”</p><p>Ethan knows what he has to say, “Buck, I’m really sorry, but there’s some things I really need to stay on top of. I’ve been really distracted lately.”</p><p>Buck’s definitely bummed, but he understands completely. “Alright, I understand. Talk later?”</p><p>Ethan starts walking away, not even looking back as he replies, “Yeah, that would be really good.”</p><p>Buck starts to suspect there’s more, but he just says, “Okay, see you later.”, and makes his way to the cafeteria.</p><p>Looks like he’s flying solo.</p><p> </p><p>Once he’s at his usual table, who should show up but Henrietta Wilson, “Hey, Buck.”</p><p>The second he sees her, Buck’s all smiles, “Hi, Hen. How are you?”</p><p>Hen has no problem telling Buck, “Considering I’m the reason you show up here for lunch, shouldn’t you already know how I’m doing?”</p><p>But Buck can tell she’s saying it in good humor, and says, “You want to sit with me or not?”</p><p>Hen quickly sits in the empty seat across from Buck, telling him, “Hope I’m not interrupting your little pity party.”</p><p>Buck shakes his head, “Not at all. In fact, I think I’m done, now that you’re here.”</p><p>Hen wastes no time getting right into it, “So what’s been going on with you lately? Feels like we’ve hardly been talking at all.”</p><p>Buck looks away, admitting sheepishly, “It’s just been that kind of year, you know?”</p><p>Hen knows most of this already, but she asks anyway, “Mostly good, or bad?”</p><p>Buck can’t even look her in the eye as he tells her, “Hen, you know I always try to look on the bright side of things, but I can’t this time. This past year has just been that bad.”</p><p>Hen’s look is completely sympathetic, but just lets Buck keep talking,</p><p>“You know how whenever you’re at a crossroads, and you know both paths mean nothing will ever be the same after you choose?”</p><p>Hen nods, “Life tends to do that. Usually when we’re not looking for it, too. Does that mean you’re about to do the same thing?”</p><p>Buck knows he can tell Hen the truth, and she’ll give him an honest answer, so he tells her reluctantly, “Maybe. But you know how hard it is when you second guess every move you make when it’s important.”</p><p>Hen tries to ask subtly, “Buck, you know I never mean to butt into your business, but would this particular crossroads have something to do with why you’ve been in a good mood lately?”</p><p>Buck smiles here, and admits, “Yeah, it does, actually.”</p><p>Hen tries to make him understand, “Buck, you’re still so young, compared to the rest of us. Don’t do anything you know you’re going to regret.”</p><p>At that, Buck deflates, trying to tell Hen, “I’m trying, really, I am.”</p><p>Then, Buck takes another breath, and just comes right out with it, “But I am so sick of feeling like nobody has my back anymore. Hen, you know how it is when someone actually takes the time to treat you like you really matter to them.”</p><p>Hen doesn’t beat around the bush, “You’re talking about a certain doctor, aren’t you?”</p><p>Buck’s actually not that embarrassed at having been caught, “Not much of a secret, I guess, not with all the talking we’ve been doing lately.”</p><p>Hen goes on, “I also noticed how you act around him. I know, because that’s how you acted around Eddie, even before you started dating. You can’t tell me you’re not at least wondering how Eddie would react to all of this?”</p><p>Buck sighs, already sick and tired of having to defend his actions to himself, so he tells Hen, “Look, Hen, I don’t want to have to say this more than once, alright? Did I think Eddie was the love of my life? Of course I did. Did I ever think things would get so bad that we’d wind up here? Of course not. I’ve actually had to rely on some of my Navy SEAL training so I don’t turn into a crying mess. But none of that takes away from the facts: Eddie had his chance, and he didn't take it. Dr. Regis is a good guy. He’s here for me in a way that Eddie hasn’t been in way too long. He actually takes the time to listen to me, make me feel like me and my feelings actually matter. I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve felt that way.”</p><p>Hen wonders if she should tell Buck the truth, but honestly? As much as she hates to admit it, Marge is right. It’s not her place to tell.</p><p>So instead, she tries a different tactic, “Buck, you know I love you. You’re like the fire family’s little brother. And trust me when I say I’m happy you’re happy. But think about this for a second. If this doctor doesn’t have a problem flirting with you, knowing you’re still married, how exactly do you know he’s not doing the same thing to someone else?”</p><p>Which is enough for Buck to snap, “Hen, you’re crossing a line. I don’t think we should talk about this anymore.”</p><p>Immediately, Hen backpedals, “Buck, wait, I’m sorry. I’m really not trying to upset you.”</p><p>But now Buck’s too upset, so he excuses himself, “I should really get going. But it really was good to see you, Hen.”</p><p>And then he’s gone, leaving Hen to wonder if she did the right thing, or if she should be kicking herself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Book</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry to make you wait, but after the talk between Buck and Hen in the previous chapter, I had to go and at least try writing for one of my other WIPs</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following weeks are some of the longest in both Buck and Eddie’s lives, as they settle into a new normal.</p><p>The tulips Eddie bought for Buck stay where they are, to the point where they even start wilting.</p><p>They eat their meals separately, and at different times, taking turns who gets to eat with Chris.</p><p>In between shifts at the firehouse, Eddie can be found in the loft, twisting his wedding ring or holding his medallion in the palm of his hand. He knows this time he has to be patient, however long that takes.</p><p>Meanwhile, Buck’s had to get used to sitting in the cafeteria either with Hen, who he’s decided to not hold a grudge against for what she said, or by himself, but after cancelling that one lunch, Ethan never rescheduled, and based on how many times he’s blown Buck off, it’s safe to say he’s not going to.</p><p>That being said, Buck uses the time instead to think. About Eddie, Christopher. His marriage. Nothing’s off limits.</p><p>Whenever Eddie’s at home, he takes the time to clean up the house, whether it’s dusting, sweeping, or even mopping and waxing.</p><p>All of which is done by the time Buck comes home, who has no idea what to think upon seeing it.</p><p>Whenever Eddie’s on a call, doing drills, or even going right back out to another call the second they return, he makes sure to stay focused on the job, but really, Buck and Christopher are never too far from his thoughts.</p><p>Once, after his run, as Eddie moves to head to his room to change, he notices the door to the guest room.</p><p>Without thinking, he walks up to it, hand raised, ready to knock. But just as quickly, he drops it again. Part of recommitting to his marriage means he needs to respect his husband’s desire for distance.</p><p>And in between all of this, Eddie becomes more invested in Christopher’s life. Through every school assignment, every exercise, every moment he can, while respecting Buck’s own time with Chris, Eddie’s there.</p><p>And through it, he starts to remember what it really means to be there for his son, in a way he now knows he hasn’t been in way too long.</p><p>Eventually, Eddie falls into a stride, and even he can see the improvement. He’s faster in his drills, lifting heavier weights, and even taking the time to really read the Love Dare book, to study it in a way he knows he didn’t when he first started.</p><p>He does the dishes without having to be reminded, and completely misses when Buck wakes up the next morning to find them all clean and put away.</p><p>Just to make sure, he opens a cupboard, and there they are. Clean, and ready to use.</p><p>Another thing added to their new normal is Eddie taking Chris to the park for exercise, watching his little Superman go so much further ahead of him, Eddie has to jog just to keep up.</p><p> </p><p>Until one day, when they both happen to be home.</p><p>When Eddie gets up, he immediately notices Buck’s bag on the couch, along with his keys.</p><p>That tells him something’s up, so he goes to the guest room, only to find his husband lying in bed, curled up under the comforter.</p><p>“Buck? Are you okay?”</p><p>Buck doesn’t even look up as he blows his nose, telling him, “I’m fine.”</p><p>Eddie asks, only to clarify, “Are you heading in today?”</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>That’s enough for Eddie to come further in the room, asking, “Are you sick?”</p><p>Here, Buck does turn his head slightly to say, “I said I’m fine.”, but there’s no real bite to it.</p><p>Eddie doesn’t leave, instead asks, “Are your allergies acting up again?”</p><p>Buck rolls his eyes, “I’m going to be just fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”</p><p>Eddie offers, “If you do need something, I can go out on a grocery run.”</p><p>Buck shakes his head miserably, “No, I’m okay. You don’t have to stick around.”</p><p>Seeing Buck’s not going to budge, Eddie acknowledges, “Okay.”, and walks back out the door.</p><p>Once the door’s completely shut, only then does Buck fully turn his head. He knows he needs to speak up, but right now closing his eyes feels so much nicer. Maybe just for a few minutes…</p><p> </p><p>When Buck opens his eyes again, it’s to Eddie, paper bag and soft drink in hand.</p><p>Buck definitely wasn’t expecting that, but now that he’s seeing it, he keeps watching as Eddie sets the food down on the nightstand, then turning to him and asking, “Can you sit up for me?”</p><p>Buck’s way too exhausted to argue, so he just does as he’s told, and once he’s sitting upright, Eddie checks his temperature with his hand.</p><p>“Yep, you’ve got a fever.”, he tells Buck, then walks out of the room, while Buck takes a look at what Eddie bought.</p><p>When Eddie comes back, he’s carrying a washcloth, and placing it on Buck’s forehead. “Here.”</p><p>The cold washcloth feels good on Buck’s hot skin, and he lets that relax him for a moment, before Eddie pulls it away, reaching for the Sprite as well as some medicine.</p><p>Buck takes it gratefully, swallowing the pill down with some of the Sprite. </p><p>He takes a few more long sips, before finally handing it back to Eddie, and miraculously, Buck suddenly feels coherent enough to ask weakly,</p><p>“Eddie, why are you doing this?”</p><p>Eddie thinks on it for a second as he sets the drink back down, before answering, “You know as well as I do that you never leave your team behind, especially not when you’re a man down.”</p><p>Buck shakes his head in wonderment, then somehow finds himself asking, “Jesus, Eddie, what happened to you?”</p><p>Eddie considers ignoring the question, knowing Buck’s not entirely with it right now, before deciding he needs to tell the truth.</p><p>After taking a deep breath, Eddie answers, “Abuela asked me if there was any part of me that still wanted to fight for us. Then she gave me something. If you want to read it, I could show you.”</p><p>But Buck surprises him by reaching under the covers, and pulling it out. Upon closer inspection, Eddie can see it’s the book in question.</p><p>With his mouth in a thin line, Buck asks, no accusation, “Was it this?”</p><p>Eddie’s still shocked at having been found out, and has to know, “How long have you known?”</p><p>Buck replies, “I just found it yesterday.”</p><p>Now that he knows the real reason Eddie’s been acting differently, Buck’s not too sure what to think.</p><p>So when he asks, “What day are you on?”, he’s sure he knows what Eddie’s answer is going to be.</p><p>Which is why he’s completely unprepared when Eddie replies, “43.”</p><p>At that, Buck’s thrown for a loop, and has to ask, “But this book only goes up to 40.”</p><p>Eddie says seriously, “Since when does a man stop being a husband or father after 40 days?”</p><p>That just might be the sweetest thing Buck’s ever heard Eddie say to him, and maybe it’s just because he’s sick, but he finds himself tearing up, wiping his tears away with one hand.</p><p>Somehow, he manages to reel it back in enough to remind Eddie, “Eddie, you can’t tell me you can’t see this isn’t normal for you.”</p><p>Eddie smile, nodding, but all he says is, “Well, welcome to the new normal, cause it’s not going anywhere.”</p><p>Buck’s either too exhausted or just doesn’t feel like giving a hard time, because when he asks, “You didn’t want to do it at first, did you?”, it’s only out of curiosity.</p><p>Eddie doesn’t take offense, just answers honestly, “No, I didn’t. But when I was at the halfway mark, I just realized how wrong I was about what love is actually supposed to be. And once I knew what it actually meant, I wanted to. More than anything.”</p><p>Buck has to say something, before his weakened state and heightened emotions get the best of him, “Eddie, you don’t know how much I want to believe this is permanent.” there’s no blind hope in Eddie’s eyes this time, just that same patience he’s been seeing more and more, especially lately.</p><p>But he has to be honest, “But I’m just not at a point where I can say I trust you again.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t take the bait, like he’s sure Buck’s expecting him to, instead saying, “I completely understand.”</p><p>But then, because he knows he has to say this, be it now or in the future, he makes sure Buck’s looking at him when he says,</p><p>“But whether you ever get to that point or not, there’s something I need you to understand.”</p><p>Eddie slides off the bed, getting on his knees so they’re face to face, and tells him, tears in his eyes,</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’ve been so unbelievably selfish. For so long now, even back when we were just partners on the same team, I stepped all over you with what I said, and what I did. I’ve put so much time and effort into meaningless things when I should’ve been focused on you. And in the past few weeks, reconnecting with Chris has given a love back to me that I never should’ve lost in the first place. And I know Chris will always forgive me, even when I don’t deserve it. And I’m hoping, even praying, that someday you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me too.”</p><p>At this point, the tears are falling freely, but Eddie’s not done, “Buck, I never want to spend another day of my life without you or Chris ever again.”</p><p>Now Buck’s crying too, if only silently, and wipes the tear away before he forces himself to remind Eddie,</p><p>“I have to give my lawyer the divorce papers by the end of next week. And I just...I need time. I need to think about this.”</p><p>Eddie knows his husband so well, he knows what he needs to say here.</p><p>"Take as much time as you need."</p><p>Then he gets up and walks out of the room, leaving Buck to lay there and think about everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The Reconciliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days later, Buck’s back at the agency, and Maggie smiles as she greets him,</p><p>“Hello, Mr. Buckley-Diaz. How are you?”</p><p>Buck smiles back, as he reaches into his pocket, “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”</p><p>Maggie asks, “How’s your nephew doing?”</p><p>Buck tells her enthusiastically, “Elisa is working wonders with him.”</p><p>Maggie beams when she hears that, “I’m so glad to hear that. So how can I help you today?”</p><p>Buck tells her, “You know, I just want to look at some daycare centers and schools for kids with Down’s Syndrome.”</p><p>Maggie nods in understanding, “Sure, I’m sure there’s plenty of places you can look at.”</p><p>Buck replies, “Good. Looks like that’s the only thing the good doctor didn’t cover when he paid for Elisa.”</p><p>At that, Maggie looks confused, “The good doctor?”</p><p>Buck’s not sure why she’s confused, so he helps her out, “Yeah. Dr. Regis? The secret donor?”</p><p>Maggie explains, “I’m not sure how you came to that conclusion, but I don't think it was Dr. Regis.”</p><p>Buck tries to say, “No, I’m almost positive it was him. I talked to him about it almost right after.”</p><p>Maggie pulls out the file with the transaction, then shakes her head, “Mr. Buckley-Diaz, if memory serves me, $30,750 was donated for Elisa, but Dr. Regis wasn’t the main donor.”</p><p>Now Buck doesn’t know what to think, so he asks, “What?”</p><p>Maggie clarifies, “Of that amount, Dr. Regis only donated $750.” </p><p>Something about that specific number hits him somewhere in his gut, but he just shakes his head, “Well then who else could it have been?”</p><p>Maggie’s still confused as she tells him, “Your husband, Eddie.”</p><p>The second Buck hears that, he can feel his mouth literally drop open, as Maggie goes on,</p><p>“Came in a few weeks ago to pay for Elisa’s salary for the next 10 years. I thought you knew.”</p><p>Buck’s still reeling, but he’s just noticed something else, “Did you say a few weeks ago?”</p><p>Maggie tells him, still confused, “Yes. He said not to tell anyone about it, but I never thought he meant you. It was a few weeks from Monday. Just called us up and asked how much it cost for the home care provider you were looking at.”</p><p>By now, Buck’s already stopped listening and started walking away, heart pounding as he realizes what that means.</p><p>Eddie took the money he was saving to restore his classic car, and used it to pay for Elisa.</p><p><em> I love you and Chris more. </em>That’s what the card said. Buck thought he just meant the laptop, but now he knows Eddie meant the car too.</p><p>Eddie gave them both up. For him.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, Buck tears off like a bat out of hell back home, making a run for the guest room, frantically pulling open the dresser drawers, looking for the one he threw his wedding ring in.</p><p>He panics slightly when he can’t find it at first, but finally, there it is, right in the back.</p><p>Buck gingerly picks it up, tears streaming down his face as he slowly brings it to his left hand, and slides it all the way back on.</p><p>The second it’s on, it feels like a weight, one that had been sitting on his heart since the night he took it off, is finally gone.</p><p>And it’s in that freedom that he finally lets himself cry openly, knowing now what he needs to do, and he can’t let Eddie go without knowing for another second.</p><p>Resolved, he looks in the mirror to wipe his tears away, still shaking his head in amazement at this new discovery, before breaking down crying again.</p><p>Somehow, he manages to compose himself, then gets back in his car, only one destination in mind.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s up in the loft helping a rookie, when Bobby comes up and tells him,</p><p>“Eddie, I need to talk to you for a second.”</p><p>Eddie’s a little confused by this, and asks, “Right this second?”</p><p>Bobby nods, “Yes. It can’t wait.”</p><p>Sighing, Eddie gets up, and once they’re face to face, Eddie asks, “What’s wrong? Is it Chris?”</p><p>Bobby shakes his head, “No, not at all. Buck’s downstairs.”</p><p>That throws Eddie for a second, and has to ask, “Buck? Our Buck?”</p><p>Bobby nods, “That’s right.”</p><p>Eddie’s only more confused by this, so he decides he needs to investigate.</p><p>Eddie makes his way down the stairs, and the first thing he sees is Buck, dressed in the same outfit he wore the night Eddie proposed to him.</p><p>That should be the tipoff something big’s about to happen, but all Eddie says is,</p><p>“Buck?”</p><p>Buck looks like he’s trying not to cry, as he twists his wedding ring, then says in a shaky voice,</p><p>“If I’ve never told you what an amazing father you are to Chris, you are.”</p><p>Eddie doesn’t know how to respond to that, but Buck’s not finished, right hand never leaving his wedding ring as he goes on,</p><p>“If I’ve never said I’ve forgiven you, I do.”</p><p>Eddie has to look away for a second, but even he knows Buck needs to finish, so he looks right in his eyes as he hears Buck say, while they both move closer,</p><p>“And if I’ve never told you how much I love you, I never stopped.”</p><p>Eddie thinks that’s it, but Buck has one last thing, “Eddie, I don’t know what happened to you, but whatever it is, I want it. I want to be the best husband to you, and father to Chris, I can possibly be.”</p><p>Finally, Eddie sees his opening, and takes a step forward as he says, barely above a whisper, “You can.”</p><p>Buck’s barely holding himself together as he holds up his left hand, and Eddie can see his wedding ring is back on, like it was never off in the first place, and asks,</p><p>“Is it too late to ask you to spend the rest of our lives with Chris together?”</p><p>There’s no need for a response here, as they both meet in the middle, their lips crashing together, hungry for each other’s taste, something they’ve gone way too long without, something they never want to go without again.</p><p>Up above, Bobby smiles, and silently salutes them, whispering silently, “You crazy kids.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't give up get, I think I have one or two chapters left before it's over.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Other Reconciliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the days following their reconciliation, Buck and Eddie fall back into a rhythm, only better, as they now both take walks with Chris, jogging on either side to keep up with him.</p><p>As promised, Buck feels Eddie’s words coming true, as he follows Eddie’s example on how to be a better husband, and better father.</p><p>Another thing that happens is that instead of filing the divorce papers, Buck and Eddie make a big show of burning them up in front of their closest friends, with Hen smacking them both upside the head and telling them, “Don’t ever do anything stupid like that again.”</p><p>When Abuela answers the phone, she breaks out in a smile as she hears Eddie tell her the good news.</p><p>In fact, Eddie’s so overjoyed, they make plans to take Chris and go visit her the very next day.</p><p>Hugs are shared all around, before Abuela asks Eddie to take a walk with her, so Buck and Chris stay behind to get Chris set up with a coloring table.</p><p>“I’d say we’ve gotten to know this path pretty well.” Abuela tells him as they start their walk.</p><p>Eddie says happily, “You can call me to take a walk with you whenever you want.”</p><p>Abuela replies, “I think I will.”</p><p>Truthfully, Eddie has something on his mind, “Abuela, I never told you how thankful I am. El amor se atreve really changed my life."</p><p>Abuela shakes her head, “Your little boy changed both your lives.  El amor se atreve was just a tool to help you remember that.”</p><p>Eddie has to be honest here, “I actually gave it to one of the rookies on the 118.”</p><p>Which makes Abuela even happier, “That’s muy bien. It should be passed along.”</p><p>Here’s where Eddie has to tell her, “I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am that you never gave up on me, abuela. Or on Abuelo.”</p><p>Here, Abuela stops walking for a moment, and Eddie can tell she’s gearing up to say something.</p><p>“Edmundo, I want to be a good abuela to you. I’ve learned so much in my life as both a Mama and an abuela. But there’s something I have to confess. Something I never told you about  El amor se atreve.”</p><p>At that, Eddie suddenly looks nervous, but he just lets her keep talking.</p><p>“I wrote the steps for El amor se atreve in a journal because I thought you’d be more open to the idea if you thought it was coming from me. But I didn’t do  El amor se atreve on your abuelo.”</p><p>Eddie’s not sure what to think, but then that’s promptly forgotten with what he hears next.</p><p>“Your Mama did it to your Papa.”</p><p>Whatever Eddie was expecting her to say, that never even made the list. “What?”</p><p>Abuela explains, “Nieto, your Papa was the one that wanted to leave. But your Mama’s love for you grabbed her tight, and she fought so hard, and loved you and your Papa unconditionally. It’s through their example that I became the abuela I am today.”</p><p>Eddie’s head is still spinning from this new revelation, “My parents did all this?”</p><p>Abuela tells him, “Your Mama and Papa are such blessings to me for giving me you. They’ve grown so much in their own ways. I will always love them.”</p><p>Somehow Eddie manages to say, “Abuela, I...I literally cut them out of my life.”</p><p>Here’s where Abuela gets serious, “Edmundo, I know you’ve neer been able to see eye to eye on what Christopher needs, and you probably never will. But they’re deserving of your respect. You know I never say it unless I mean it.”</p><p>That’s all Eddie needs to take off back to the house, leaving Abuela smiling with a knowing look.</p><p> </p><p>The second he walks through the front door, he spots Buck and Chris coloring together, and when they see the distraught look in Eddie’s eyes, they almost speak up, but Eddie’s not looking at them, instead going straight for the phone, and dialing a number.</p><p>When whoever’s on the other line picks up, Eddie breaks down as he says, “Mama, lo ciento. Yo no sabía, Mama. Yo no sabía.”</p><p>Knowing Eddie only breaks out in full Spanish when he’s really upset, Buck whispers to Chris, “Hey, Superman, what do we say we go hug your dad.”</p><p>Chris smiles, “Okay.”, and wiggles to move out of the chair.</p><p>In seconds, Buck’s got one arm wrapped around Eddie as Eddie holds the phone, still crying, and the other holding Chris up so Chris can hug Eddie as well.</p><p>“Por favor perdoname." Eddie whispers through his tears, leaning on his husband for support.</p><p>“Te amo, Mama.” Eddie keeps repeating that same phrase over and over, all of them staying in that position for so long, Abuela walks back in and catches them.</p><p>But she doesn’t say a word, happy to see her nieto truly happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One more for the epilogue, but I hope you're still enjoying it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s a beautiful day when the fire family gathers together again, in the firehouse where they all became family in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve all come so far, and though Chim, Maddie and Hen are no longer a part of the 118, as promised, they always come together when it matters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this moment, Chim, Maddie, Hen, Karen, Athena, and all their kids combined sit straight ahead, as they watch Bobby perform the ceremony.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gathered here today to celebrate the vow renewal ceremony for Buck and Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither groom can stop smiling as they look at each other, then at Chris, currently being held in both of their arms, looking so adorable in his tuxedo, then back at Bobby as he keeps speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Though this is the second time they’re committing to this marriage...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone gets a little uncomfortable at that, but it’s gone when they hear Bobby say next,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the first time they’ve chosen to do so on a foundation of committing to their son Christopher as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck and Eddie are quick to squeeze Chris a little tighter at that, before they hear,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Buck and Eddie’s desire that they establish their vows, from here and for the rest of their lives, as a promise instead of a contract. Marriage is already a sacred institution between two people, meant to last for life, but it’s Buck and Eddie’s wish that it be extended to their son as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here, they both set Chris down, having practiced this with him at home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby starts with Buck, “Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley-Diaz, in the presence of your family, friends, and your son, do you promise to freely and unconditionally commit to your marriage to Eddie, and your fatherhood to Christopher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck replies without even a second’s hesitation, “I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Bobby turns to Eddie, “And do you, Edmundo ‘Eddie’ Buckley-Diaz, do you promise to freely and unconditionally commit to your marriage to Buck, and your fatherhood to Christopher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie gets a little choked up, but he quickly replies, “I do. With all my heart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby then turns his attention to Chris, who listens to every word he says, as Bobby recites the Bible verse they’d both picked out,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2 Samuel 9:7 says, ‘“Don’t be afraid,” David said to Jonathan, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather, and you will always eat at my table. Do you, Christopher Buckley-Diaz, promise to love both your father's unconditionally, even when they make you eat vegetables or go to bed early?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gets a laugh from everyone, glad for something to cut the seriousness, as Chris calls happily, “I do!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Bobby concludes,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my absolute pleasure for me to conclude this ceremony of vow renewal that joins you three together as husbands, and son. Please, seal this ceremony with a kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first kiss is easy enough, as Buck and Eddie lean in, with all the heat they’d been saving for this exact day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheers and whistles are heard for the 20 seconds they stay like that, but when they finally part, they both give a knowing smile, then pick up Chris, who squeals as they both pepper his cheeks with kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone starts laughing as they watch Chris squeal and try to wiggle out of their hold, but they don’t let up for a few more seconds, then finally let him go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that, everyone makes their way up to the loft, where a very impressive spread is laid out for all the guests, complete with a wedding cake with custom designed edible cake toppers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the grooms make it to the top of the stairs, Eddie turns to Chris, and asks,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which cake topper do you want? Peanut butter, or chocolate?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for following this little story, as well as all the comments you've all left along the way.</p><p>Since I'm still pretty new to the 911 fandom, tell me. What book or movie can you see a Buddie adaptation for?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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